If you’re reading this because you can’t figure out why it’s hard for someone else to love you, I want you to ask yourself if you even believe that you deserve love. I saved this one for last because I think it’s really important. You don’t believe you deserve to be loved. I’ve been that woman before and it took therapy and self-reflection to find my voice and use it. If you shut down during disagreements or can’t articulate your feelings to another person, it really will strain your relationship and make you hard to love. All relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are strongest when communication is at its best between the people involved in the relationship.
If you can’t talk and work through disagreements with someone else, you’re probably hard to love. Work on those qualities and you won’t be hard to love. Lovable people are the kind of people who attract others with positive traits like honesty and integrity. When you lie and someone finds out about it, people retreat from you. I’ve had to grow into this rule and I’ve been better at it in certain situations than others, but the point is that people appreciate honesty. My personal rule of thumb is that being honest is always better than telling a lie, even a small one. In my experience, the easiest people to love in my life have been people who take care of themselves and show themselves the most love on a consistent basis. If you drink excessively, are incessantly self-deprecating, or engage in self-destructive behaviors, you’re going to be difficult to love. If you can’t let people in, you can never truly love or be loved. You have to know someone emotionally to love them. “As you put up more and more barriers after each adversity, you will become disconnected from yourself.” Letting people into your life and your heart is part and parcel of loving someone. “In a relationship, you create emotional barriers to protect yourself from what you’ve experienced in the past (heartbreak, abuse, abandonment),” Yue Xu, host and creator of the Dateable Podcast, tells Bustle. You think that by doing this, you’re avoiding being hurt. More signs you’re difficult to loveĪs soon as someone gets too close to you, the walls go up. However, if you hold onto that negative energy and bring those impressions into your experience with someone new, it’s like you’re asking for it to be hard. I understand from experience how difficult it can be to open up to someone and be vulnerable again in a romantic relationship (or even a friendship) after you’ve been burned. If you punish the people who are in your life now for things that happened to you in your past, you’re most definitely hard to love.
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